Do You Like My New Shirt?

I don't want to participate on that team!

Paris is obviously the catcher.

Nicky is in right field, repelling balls.

Tom Cruise could play shortshop.

Britney's somewhere in left field already, so she can stay there.

Tara Reid's massive boobs have the potential to knock down anything hit down the 3rd base line, so that's her job.

Pete Doherty can pitch to Paris, since he's got the blow.

Jessica Simpson can play second base so Dirty Daddy Joe can watch her from center field.

Who's on first? Can't tell you. She's trying to be annoymous right now.

Photo from Evil Beet.

But Did She Hurt Herself?

Paris had problems in Beverly Hill a few days ago, when the heel of her cheap and shoddy shoe snapped off.

Who's she calling? The blacksmith? Wouldn't want her to split a hoof while she's out shopping. Oh well. She's still open for rides.

Paris and Nicky at Fred Segal

Sometimes I find it unfathomable that I work a full-time job more than 40 hours a week, plus a part-time job, have clean driving record and have a broken down Grand-Am with nearly 200,000 miles on the engine sitting in my driveway.

Paris Hilton has never really worked in her life, parties every night, gets arrested for a DWI... and drives a Bentley.

I feel depressed now. Visit Out of Sight Media while I cry on the toilet.