Monday, November 27, 2006

The Three Stooges

Parenting Tips from Britney Spears:

5. Divorce your children's father, then write a tell-all book about your marriage; trash their father as much as possible; it'll make for a good bedtime stories.

4. Abandon your children as soon as divorce papers are filed and run to Vegas to party with the Saved by the Bell guy. Don't let your two young sons see you moping about the house. Whoring around Vegas is an effective way to show them Mommy is doing just fine.

3. Wear short slutty clothes that show off your post-baby belly and make sure you score a good crotch shot at some point during the evening. Get the photo from one of the zillion media outlets that had it by the next day and hold it as a keepsake. It's one the grandchildren will enjoy someday.

2. Become the best of friends with a dumb, rich blonde who's never worked a day in her life. Children relate to a self-absorbed , pot-smoking, vodka-swilling imbecile who vomits at the sound of her own voice. Even she knows how to install a car seat, and she'll show you how...once those DWI charges are cleared.

1. Add an wrist-slicing, overdosing blow addict to your circle of friends. Take more time away from the kids and go out partying with with your posse of trash. Wear a dress that will expose your ample ass to the 20 camera's following your every move. After you wake up the next afternoon, show your children the photos so they can feel like a part of your life.

Yep, Lindsay Lohan has joined the crew.


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