This Dress Looks Familiar...

Dear Lindsay,

My grandmother called, and after you visited her, it seems that the massive doiley she knitted for her couch back in '53 is missing.

I would never accuse you of stealing it, of course. But I'm coming to the conclusion that you must have been the last to see it, and I wondering if you would know anything regarding its whereabouts.

With your recently-found wealth, I'm sure you wouldn't want something as tacky as a homeade afgahn as decor in one of the many condos you get kicked out of, but if you have seen grandma's blanket, could you please let me know?

I just hope a crack whore hasn't gotten her grubby hands on it and turned it into an outfit.

Warm Regards.

P.S. Does your grandma knit, or does talking to the press about you occupy all her time?